Beginning of the end

Today is the first day of the last day of a decade, a decade of which I have been exposed to unspeakable evils, as well as great joys that I am unable to express in words. Ten years ago I lived in a different house, in a different city. I was blinded my naivety to such a degree, as would be for all children, I saw not the evils of life but only the small pleasures that lay just beyond my back door. I see now much further than that, I see across oceans, and over mountains, I can see beyond the stars and I can even look inside a heart. The world has change from what it used to be. Technology is now available that my grandmother probably never dreamed of. With in a matter of seconds I can talk face to face with a person living 100,000 miles away. I can, with the click of my mouse, translate any text of almost any language into one that I can comprehend. Using a tiny piece of plastic and maybe a few wires I can hold in my hand unmeasurable amount of information. I am glad I am able to live in this world, and I like that way it is. Though of course it can be improved, society has its flaws just a every piece of harshly scrutinized technology. So I am happy a new year is starting, even if it is kind of scary to think that in a matter of years I will be off on my own making a place for myself in the world, I more than ecstatic to more forward.

Must be nice to be loved

Half of what I say is meaningless
But I say it just to reach you, Julia

Julia, Julia, oceanchild, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Julia, seashell eyes, windy smile, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia

Her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering
In the sun

Julia, Julia, morning moon, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia

When I cannot sing my heart
I can only speak my mind, Julia

Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Hum hum hum hum... calls me
So I sing a song of love for Julia, Julia, Julia


~Beatles 

First day out in days

I am totally in love with this. I love her clothes and her hair, and everything. I want to color my hair like hers so much, though as I have said before there is no way in hell my mom would let me! But I can still dream, right??

Innocent Days

The spring wells up and the river winds away 
You are that deep sea 
Please protect me 
Flying through the air on mysterious wings 
You are that dark sky 
Please lead me 

The dawn will rain freely 
Wetting my cheeks 
I want you to hold me gently 
Like a child 

Your gaze burns into me 
You have the power to chase your beautiful dreams 
With all your heart and soul 
Take me to a sinless era 

Flying through the air on mysterious wings 
You are that dark sky 
Please lead me 


Amen

Fireworks ~ supercell

When the fireworks suddenly exploded in the air
I couldn’t keep my eyes from your face
I gazed at you quietly
It’d be so much easier if was able to hate you
Because I always remember you, in situations like this
I can’t help but think about the times we spent together
I’m ready to forget you
It just tears at my heart to much
I wonder … why did we meet each other?
When I close me eyes
It’s like you are here
Sitting on the side of the road, in the dark
I could hear the distant echo of the bands playing
I heard you softly singing along
The waves of fireflies flooding around us
Summer ended quickly that year
As I look up at the fireworks now, by myself
My heart pickles with pain
Soon, the next season will be here
Passing again another year from that night
Even now, I still think of that summer day.

I don't know what I want

There are lots of things I want to be. There are lots of things want to feel, lots things I want to see and taste. However, I cannot. I am limited by my life. I am limited by the family of which I was born into. I am limited by my own ability to with stand pain, and my own ability to with stand pleasure.

It's not like Christmas at all.

I am not sure what it is. Something this year is different. It seems like the Christmas season has come and gone. The shopping season has come to a close and I, I just know what it is but something is just not right. I look at the snow and I look at the tree and it looks like Christmas. I look at the stocking and the gift wrapped and stacked, some embellished with bows and they look like Christmas too. Even still, I just feel like something is missing and I think its not something I can see or touch that is missing, because I think I would have noticed. I think it just the spirit that has changed for me and I can't explain how it happened. This is year, this short, short season is like none before it. I wish it hadn't changed. I miss it they way it was, and at this point I don't know if it will ever come back.

                                                            [My Xmas Tree]

Like the song: They're singing Deck the Halls [ on the radio like they do every year] but it's not like Christmas at all.

Dee Farnsworth ✰✰✰✰✰

I was looking through, out of pure boredom, some of the other blogs and came across a few really interesting ones. The most of which is a blog dedicated solely to this womens amazing artwork. Her name is Dee Farnsworth. I have the link on the title, so check it out really. I tried to follow her blog but being the newb I am I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. My loss I suppose. But really, she is great and her paintings are mostly watercolor, but she does a lot of other things as well, and honestly she has some of the best works I have seen in a while as far as depth of color and depth of space of go.


This particular piece is actually listed with her weather sketchbook, and these are all really creative, and extremely well done! I think what I like most about these peices is the addition of the [probably glue sticked on] newspaper clipping, particularlly on this one. The little clip out of the condtions it describes and then a small corner add, I think it really says something about the peice and how the artist was feeling when she created it.


This one is my personal favorite of the weather sketchbook. It is so so silent and so well organized that I can not stop thinking about it. I actually, just now was thinking maybe I can make this my book.
You see, for the last few weeks I have been trying to think of a star spangled perfect idea [which in my experiences are impossible to put to paper to begin with] for my new book [ because I am a writer, and just for the record I go by a pen name which I chose not to share ;)]and I just, I wrote idea after idea and none of them lead anywhere. So I think this, this little watercolor sketch might have been just the inspiration I needed.

Perhaps while flipping through blog after I wasn't wasting time after all.

Merry Xmas Eve Eve

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

I am the girl

I wish I could do better by you, 
'cause that's what you deserve
You sacrifice so much of your life
In order for this to work.

While I'm off chasing my own dreams
Sailing around the world
Please know that I'm yours to keep
My beautiful girl

When you cry a piece of my heart dies
Knowing that I may have been the cause
If you were to leave
Fulfill someone else's dreams
I think I might totally be lost
You don't ask for no diamond rings no delicate string of pearls
That's why I wrote this song to sing
My beautiful girl


~ City an Colour 

Flashes of Gold

So, winter break is about to start tomorrow. I am excited, to finally have a break from school. However when i get back I will have to kick my ass into gear, because my grades are not so hot.

So today I am just going relax.

I watched The Giving Tree, spoken by Shel Silverstein. I saw the link on [http://iliketoforkmyself.blogspot.com/2009_11_01_archive.html] so I watched it and I cried. It didn't take much, just a few words, a tree and a boy. And I really, really liked it.

THE GIVING TREE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v
=1TZCP6OqRlE&feature=player_embedded

knock knock, who is there?

So folks, the race is on.

Loose 30 lbs by new years? can I do it? I don't know. I am as of now, right off the scale ... 163 and 5'8 ... so by January uhm 11th (the first official meeting of I as the SDHL [students devoted to healthy living] club president) I would like to be 133lbs. Wish me luck in my endeavors! >.< I am excited because I have always been, not exactly fat but  not quiet thin so I think I would be really nice to finally meet my news resolution [as has been for the past 4 years or so] to finally loose some of the extra poundage!

If only in my dreams

My favorite part of winter, aside from the loving warmth of family; that as I grow older seems harder and harder feel, and aside from the holiday hustle and bustle of shopping; that as my wallet grows thiner seems harder and harder to enjoy, I can always find solace in watching the snow. Watching it fall slowly; at 5cm per second until gentle it touches ground.

Let Your Love Grow Tall

I would totally dye my hair this color, but I know my mother would never let me :/ but that okay! I will be 18 soon enough, and until then I debate; Green or Blue?

Pink ~ Chu

 "Between the desire and the spasm, between the potency and the existence, between the essence and the descent, falls the shadow. This is the way the world ends." T.S. Eliot

Is in love with the tingly sensation of grape juice on her tongue <3  

Suffocation of Love

(Source: http://hipstermusings.tumblr.com/) -- favorite blog

I am sorry things didn't work out.

For two special someones.

What more must I have to lose, until I am forgiven
How much more pain must I feel, until I don’t feel like living
One more time, please don’t change the season
One more time to the time we laughed until we cried

When we cross paths you are always the first to turn a new direction
Even if you don’t want to, something grabs you and pulls you away
One more chance, drowning in a rushing flow of memories
One more chance that we’ll probably never have again

I am always searching for you
On the crowded streets, or beneath the tree where we would always meet
Even though I know you will not be there
If  my wishes were to be granted, you and I would be together
Though the nights are getting warmer now
I feel you hand slipping out of mine

If it is just to ease my loneliness, anyone will do
When the stars look like they’re falling, no one can replace you
One more time, please don’t change the season
One more time to the time we laughed until we cried

I am always searching for you
At the busy intersection, or the same spot you always used to sit
Even though I know you will not be there
If a miracle was to happen, I would share my love with you
A new day comes and  perhaps
The words I could never say

Winters cycle is revolving
The loss of a gentle heart beat

I am always searching for you
Walking down  Maine street, or in the passenger seat of all the passing cars
Even though I know you will not be there
If  my wishes were to be granted, you and I would be together
Though the nights are getting warmer now
I feel you hand slipping out of mine

I always end up looking for your smile
At the corner store, the candy isle, or in the ‘online window’ of my computer screen
Even though I know you won’t be there
If a miracle was to happen, I would share my love with you
A new day comes and perhaps
The words I could never say

I am always looking somewhere for you
Near the railroad crossing at the edge of town, and the roof top of every house
Even though what I yearn for is no longer there
If life can be repeated, I would love you over and over again
I know I will recognize you
No matter how many years have passed by

adaptation of Masayoshi Yamazaki's One more time, one more chance

IT'S SO FLUFFY ... and it makes funny noises in its sleep!

This puppy is absolutely adorable! I love the sounds he makes! Just thought I would share it with you ;)

I adore this picture, I found it randomly one day on the internet and the more and more I look at it the more and more I fall hopelessly in love. This picture really sums up how I feel about life. 

Nicotine and Gravy

The beauty of a beautiful sound travels further than the beauty of a beautiful face. 

Daul Kim, Say hi to forever.

Im memory of an amazing model, blogger, and human being whom I, of course never had the honor of knowing personally, however have read her blog, and I am in love! It is touching and warm, and over all amazing. Even now I go back and read it over and over again. Please check it out!

Aw, now wasn't I just a precious? Though my makeup application skills have improved a bit, wouldn't you say?

GLEEKS

Who is a Blaine and Kurt fan-girl, I AM!!!! <3 GLEE !

It's getting dark outside

As the air get colder with each passing day, the light of day grows shorter and shorter. I can't help feeling that maybe my heart will never be warmed again, or that I may never feel the loving embrace of someone who loves me. 

It's like everyone else in the world has something I don't, maybe it is some kind of weird pheromone or a brand of perfume. Though is hard for me to think that maybe I am just not pretty enough, or funny enough, maybe I am boring or weird, I don't really know what is wrong with me, but it kind of wears me out sometimes. 

It wears me out, and I don't know what to do about it. 

Kiss Me

Nothing sexier than bright red lips right? Well, sadly my phone doesn't give color-girl lip stain all the credit it deserves, but I love it! People have told me on  several accounts that I look like a French teacher, or a European secretary, all based off of this photo! 

Hey, so by the way I just started this blog maybe two days ago! So bare with me as I try to get more pictures up! 

Resident Evil Rocks !

So yesterday was my friend Sarah Awwad's Birthday! She turned sixteen! Yeah! So, her and I love playing Resident Evil, so for her birthday I got Resident Evil 5! The picture above it from 4, and we beat that game forever ago :P We haven't started 5 yet, but I am excited! Happy Birthday Sarah, love you! 

Lovelessness is a hopeful pain, that never goes away.

I don't know if this feeling that I think I feel is real.
I'm not sure if I am just the spokes of a bicycles wheel.
Spinning round and round carrying you from here to there.
Bicycle wheels so pathetically unaware.
That when your legs grow long and you temper short,
I become victimized by feudal courts.
Like when I see the snow,
I feel imprisoned by that damned Jim Crow.
We both read from a common book of prayer,
of which we knew would take us nowhere.
Looking into eyes I never see with my own, is a soft spot.
It's like a screen-write, is it not?
Always being shown in the theater for the absurd.
The view from up so high, is it slightly blurred?
If I am lost, it is only for a little while.
Bridges built though last forever with the stench of thick black bile.
Such a humor I don't know,
A pain I plead to all I know you never undergo.
Hope is similar this way too, a pain so sharp,
not even eased by the playing of an angels harp.
Like when I see the snow,
I think of things not thought since long ago.
When you come and set the bar so high,
not anyone can jump like your legs can jump, whereby
I feel that this lovelessness consumes me.
The familiar smell of a white cinnamon tree.
Upon its lower branches perched a small black bird.
I don't know if you remember, or if you ever heard,

but once I said goodbye, 

and you never did reply.

"Superman is, after all, an alien life form. He's simply the acceptable face of invading realities." Clive Barker

I think this is totally cool, right? I would love to color my hair blue for a while or maybe green ... pink? (Ramona Flower??) Ha-ha, though as if my mother would let me. She won't even let me dye it a darker shade of brown. *Sigh* Maybe when I am eighteen, in 654 days ... yeah! :/ 

Juliette Lewis pulls it off so well! It is just so different, and totally unexpected. It has this spunky 'cool girl' vibe to it too, you know? I love it! 5 stars  ✰✰✰✰✰ all the way!